Think Different

from the Cupertino Times [build yer own satire] (Score:0)
by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday June 07, @08:54AM (#12746154)

JUNE 7, 2005, CUPERTINO, CA -- One day after stunning the Mac faithful with the announcement that his company was transitioning its product line to Intel processors, CEO Steve Jobs told investors in a private videochat this morning that Apple will also incorporate Microsoft Windows as the OS on its new Macs by mid-2006.

"Clearly its time for Apple to partner with the long-time leader in personal computer operating systems, Microsoft," Jobs announced. "We were looking at the long-term roadmap for where we want to go with our customers 3 years out, and Microsoft clearly offers the best vision for advanced personal computing."

"For example, at Apple we promised you [INSERT HERE] in [20XX] and we still don't have it. But with Microsoft, we can get there."

Joining Jobs in the announcement were Microsoft founder Bill Gates and CEO Steve Ballmer, beaming in a small video window where they were crowding together.

"Steve, we're really excited at Microsoft to continue to provide the Apple baby the lifeblood it needs to exist," said Gates while Ballmer drooled, "And we promise to continue to deliver Mac OSX Office for the new MacPod."

At that point Jobs unveiled the new MacPod, a 100GB shirtpocket device with color screen running Mac OSX 10.4, with a one button front-panel mouse, retailing for $1995 this fall.

"The limited screen size does require some smart Microsoft engineering to fit, you know, all of Word's features on there, but we're optimistic," Gates said.

Jobs denied the new CPU and OS strategies would further shrink Apple's market share.

"With iLife and Quicktime, Apple has a rich platform for personal computing extending as far as the eye can see, no I don't think there's a problem."

Also at the teleconference, Jobs unveiled the first public prototype of the new Mac mid-range desktop slated for spring 2006. The 2ghz Pentium 4 WinMac includes Windows XP home edition, integrated LCD monitor, and one-button mouse for $1995. The Enthusiast upgrade includes iLife and Quicktime 7 preinstalled, with Apple Inside decal, for $800 more.
Gates promised both versions will run Mac OS9 Classic in emulation.

Posted: Thu - June 9, 2005 at 10:15 PM         |